What a Horrible Year

First of all I just saw a woman that eats 200 packs of "sweetener" every day and I'm sitting here counting...Well, do you count the 12 or so diet mountain dew cans in my day? It doesn't matter, but this has been such a horrible year that not much has mattered.

Such a horrible horrible year. I have such a bad memory, but I remember where the furniture used to be simply because I was on the couch in more pain than usual (I have some pretty severe back/body pain constantly) and there on the couch I heard the phone ring, and I looked and the caller was Amanda's cell. Amanda rarely called me. We would text on occasion, but we had a great relationship where we didn't have to call, but in an emergency my name was close to the top of her list and vice versa. My heart sank when it rang. My heart knew. That was January 10 when she was murdered. A beautiful light left me here in the darkness that day. Luckily she and I spoke lots about the spiritual world a lot, and I believe she is in a beautiful place where her father she loved and missed so much was waiting to guide her. It was still a gut wrenching change in my world. If people have to die, why isn't it ever the miserable people that make you miserable? Why does it have to be the fantastic people that go too soon?

Some good things have happened this year too. I am so truly blessed it's unreal. People have lost far more, their whole families, their own lives, every beautiful person they knew and I just lost the most beautiful person I will ever know. I simply couldn't go on if I didn't truly believe she is happy in the afterlife. I do believe and I must. I am thankful for the friends who have been so much more to me while I have suffered this year.

Anywho, I have gained a bunch of pounds and lost a bunch of my mind this year as well. I remember very little unless it's devastating in some way. I no longer have nerves of steel. I have to get that back. My girl would want me to do that I'm sure. So I'm sure this won't be the last time I bring this up but I can finally mention it or think about it without using a whole box of Kleenex....just half.

In closing, I just saw on T.V. where a woman was marrying herself, that sounds good to me. If I didn't have Jon Boy, I would probably marry myself too lol.